The Sports Connoisseur

Everyone who thinks David Stern should be fired go sign this petition!

http://www.gopetition.com/online/19911.html

It is time the NBA’s integrity is restored!

            Hallelujah someone finally spoke up! The NBA talking heads discussed in their latest meeting cracking down on floppers. What I am wondering is what took so long? What was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back? Was it Hamilton falling to the ground against Keyon Dooling in round 2? Was it Kirilenko’s Oscar-worthy performance in the opening round against the Rockets? Or is it Manu Ginobli and all other descendants of soccer nations who adopt it as a way of life? Whatever it is, it is about time.

            Last night after the game, the ever so candid Rasheed Wallace earned himself a probable fine, ironically, through a profanity-laced tirade about the officiating and the flopping. Here’s how it went (Warning: This quote contains language not suitable for children…or Christians—no it’s not a Girl’s Gone Wild commercial)

“All that bull(bleep)-ass calls they had out there. With Mike [Callahan] and Kenny [Mauer] — you’ve all seen that (bleep),you saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they’re calling that (bleep). That (bleep) ain’t basketball out there. It’s all (bleeping) entertainment. You all should know that (bleep). It’s all (bleeping) entertainment.”

For once ladies and gentlemen, I agree with ‘Sheed; he has just cause to be furious as have many throughout the life of the flop. Shaquille O’Neal had his epic “battles” with Vlade Divac in those classic Kings-Lakers series—come on, Vlade Divac? Divac was slow, out of shape, and a mediocre defender at best, yet he gave Shaq the most trouble; it is a preposterous notion. Divac, much like many others who are given too much credit as defenders nowadays, had no chance of guarding Shaq. All this time I have never understood why the issue was not addressed; after all even soccer which posseses the world’s greatest floppers, issues yellow cards to excessive acting jobs. My guess is that the NBA needed a competitive series in a period of time when the Lakers were trampling opponents. Think long and hard about those Kings teams compared to the Lakers, no competition—unless of course Shaq was in foul trouble or Kobe could not drive into the lane without sending Vlade Divac into the stands.

            Contrary to popular belief, the flop is not a novel concept; it is not a new age NBA practice. It was part of the Bad Boy Pistons’ repertoire. Bill Laimbeer and Dennis Rodman were floppers extraordinaire. Ironically enough, the practice helped them get over the hump against Bird’s Celtics and Magic’s Lakers in an era that both teams dominated. So what is my point here? Look, referee’s and officials from the NBA league offices meet before games, and especially during the playoffs. David Stern’s worst nightmare is a team rolling through the playoffs with little competition, it’s bad for ratings and generating interest. This rule will be great, and examples will be made, but what happens next year when the Lakers have Bynum back and have a full year playing together? What happens when they rip their way through the playoffs (hypothetically speaking)? I tell you, the next flop master will emerge and WILL go unpunished if it means making the series interesting; mark my words.

            Flopping has become a strategy, something woven into the fabric of the NBA culture. Love it or hate it, I doubt it is going anywhere. Some are so masterful at it that it will be impossible to distinguish between those truly being trampled and those who are simply selling the contact. In real time when a guy goes crashing into the ground complete with a painful grunt and facial anguish, how is a referee to know? The league will review it, but all that will happen is a new wave of controversy. If a mere fine is implemented, do you not think these men making millions of dollars will take the expense if it means changing the momentum or winning a big game? His teammates or even the owner (if it’s Mark Cuban) would probably offer to pay it. Please. Chad Johnson is the epitome of why fines are not effective, remember his “Please don’t fine me” sign?

            I most certainly am on the side of hating the art of flopping. At the same time however, I am hesitant to get excited about this. The tentative ideas for punishment just won’t be effective; there are kids right now at the middle school level of basketball who are emulating the art of the flop, perfecting it even. Personally I think the only effective way to handle it is by calling it a block—very simple. If the offensive guy is doing it, don’t call the foul, or have it qualify as a personal foul at the discretion of the referee. Fines won’t work, technicals are too dicey and make a mistaken call a bit more costly. Make it a foul, just like soccer, that’s it. So while I am glad the issue has been addressed I am hardly optimistic that flopping in the NBA will cease. Instead what I expect is for Vlade Divac and Dennis Rodman to go into business and open their own flopping academy to help untalented irregularly tall men continue to have roles in the NBA; the acting jobs will just have to get better, I doubt that will be a problem. By the way, NBA and Mr. Stern, if you are going to punish players for selling contact, what will you do about the refs that completely disregard obvious contact like the Fisher-Barry incident? How about you think of that in your next meeting.

            With all these headlines that feature one athlete after the next being arrested, it got me thinking (I know what you’re thinking ‘uh-oh’). While most of the time the names in the headlines are not necessarily the stars of the league, throughout the years some of the NFL’s top tier players have had their fair share of brushes with the law.

            So inspired by “The Longest Yard,” news of Mike Vick playing ball in prison, and lack of better things to do, I racked my brain to compile the ultimate roster composed of players who have sported the infamous adjoining bracelets, and the tacky often ill-fitting orange jumpsuit. Though this list was compiled in jest, surely some of you will (and should) feel a bit troubled about some of the names on the list.

            Imagine if all NFL players who have been arrested throughout the years were in prison at the same time? Stop trying to figure out who the prison bitch would be (it’d obviously be the kicker). Instead think of the all-time NFL roster you could conjure. As general manager, here is my all-time NFL arrest team (kinda looks like an All-Pro team huh?)—Ladies and Gentlemen the Alcatraz Albatross! (Season tickets are available, their just a DUI or domestic battery charge away for front row seats)

All-Arrest Team Offense

QB: Mike Vick (Dog-Fighting ring) Little did we know, his superhuman speed was developed from chasing Pit Bulls.

 FB: Bam Morris (100 Kilo’s of Marijuana, intent to distribute) Nicknamed the onomatopoeia (love that word) ‘Bam’ was always appropriate; especially when he got busted (get it? Me neither)

 RB: O.J. Simpson (Double-Murder) Hopefully he can run from defenders faster than he did from the cops.

 WR: Michael Irvin (Cocaine Possession) If partying like a rock star is a crime, this man deserved life in prison!

WR: Randy Moss (Battery, Violation of Probation) Those charges saved him from playing for the Devil (Bobby Bowden), but far more entertaining was his attempt at “Perpendicular Vehicular HO-micide” in Minnesota.

 TE: Daniel Graham (Harrassment) When asked by his wife “how do you cram all that Graham” for the hundredth time, dude lost his mind and crushed a bed post (I think that’s what provoked it)

 OT:Jammal Brown (Domestic Battery) If you’d put your hands on your chick in front of her family, you’d certainly have no scruples about pounding on a DT.

 OT: Bryant McKinnie (Assault) His prison name will be ‘Tiny.’ Miami boys don’t play, that’s all I got to say.

 OG: Eric Steinbach (Boating Under the Influence) People really get arrested for this? Answer me this; who boats sober?

 OG: Ross Verba (Bad Checks) Talk about a 180, this guy went from demanding Orlando Pace money to feeling compelled to write bad checks. His agent should be whacked.

 C: Barrett Robbins (Attempted Murder) Ross Verba meet your hit-man.

 Reserves:

QB: Warren Moon (Driving Under the Influence)

FB: Najeh Davenport (Breaking Entering and Pooping, among others)

RB: Jamal Lewis (Possession of more than 5 kilos of cocaine, intent to distribute)

RB: Mercury Morris (Conspiracy and trafficking of cocaine)

WR: Chris Henry (Everything)

WR: Rae Carruth (Murder)

WR: Santonio Holmes (Domestic Violence and Assault)

OL: Stockar McDougle (Battery)

OL: Sean Locklear (Domestic Violence)

 All-Arrest Team Defense (4-3)

DT: Tank Johnson (Illegal Possession of Firearms) I want this guy on my side in case we are raided by infidels. Three rifles and three handguns? What was his octopus bodyguard going to do with the other two hands?

 DT: Keith Traylor (DUI, and Illegal Possession of Xanax) I am disappointed in this guy…Why didn’t he just say he was delivering the Xanax to Ricky? Better yet why didn’t he just claim to be him?

 DE: Bruce Smith (DUI) He just wanted to be on this team. You better produce Bruce or you’re cut!

 DE: Carl Eller (DWI, and 4^th Degree Assault on Officer) If he’s as strong at 66 as they made him sound in the paper, he’d probably take on an entire O-Line in his hey-day.

 LB: “Hollywood” Henderson (Sexual Assault, and False Imprisonment) Crack heads have been known to possess the strength of ten men when they’re fiending. It’s always an asset to have at least one baser on your side.

 LB: Ray Lewis (Double Murder) Suffered temporary blindness (beer goggles?) at the precise moment two people were fatally stabbed so luckily for Lewis he was not charged. Unfortunately later that night he was victimized by the same condition and woke up next to a 300 lb woman.

 LB: Lawrence Taylor (DWI, Possession of Narcotics) Cocaine’s a hell of a drug

 CB: Pacman Jones (Assault, Vandalism) He just may even be too troublesome for this team.

 CB: Deltha O’Neal (DWI) This guy will do anything for the sake of team chemistry, even drive while intoxicated—gotta have guys like that on the team.

 SS: Ray Buchanan (Bad Checks) Man South Florida was anything but kind to this man.

 FS: Dexter Reid (Possession of Illegal Concealed Weapon and Marijuana) Now that I think of it this guy may be a prime candidate for prison bitch after the way Greg Jones plastered him in college.

 Reserves:

DT: Mike Patterson (Possession of Marijuana)

DE: Leonard Little (Involuntary Manslaughter, DUI)

DE: Jared Allen (DUI)

CB: Shawn Springs (Reckless Driving)

CB: Ricky Manning Jr. (Assault)

S: Terrence Kiel (Possession and Transporting of Controlled Substance)

S: Marcus Coleman (DWI)

LB: Cato June (DUI)

 Special Teamers

K: Sebastian Janikowski (DUI) Just look at the guy, he looks like he belongs on a prison yard football team. I always expect him to scratch his crotch and his belly followed by a belch while he’s waiting for the snap.

 KR: Roscoe Parrish (DUI) Luckily for Parrish he will have some UM protection in McKinnie and Lewis, but he better hope they don’t get desperate…

 PR: B.J. Sams (DUI) Don’t really care about this guy. In fact he’s cut tomorrow, we’ll just put Pacman to return punts.

 P: Todd Sauerbrun (Assault) This guy got in trouble for steroid use…WHY TODD WHY? Was he trying to punt the ball out of the stadium one day?

 Now here’s a challenge, make an all-time team that you think can hands down beat this team without using ANYONE who has had an arrest in their entire life. I’d put this team up against the best of them. Anyway, I sufficiently entertained myself, hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to make any roster suggestions you’d like to see. Surely a spot will be open for Marvin Harrison if he decides to make the move.

**DISCLAIMER: I was granted an exclusive press code to represent Sports Review Magazine in a huge media conference call (Included reps from ESPNMag, USA Today, among others) this is only the introduction. Since this was an opportunity provided exclusively by SRM I must honor that and not post quotes from the call anywhere else…HOWEVER, I do encourage you all to read on and follow the link at the bottom to read the rest. Enjoy!

           The world of professional fighting has been revolutionized over the past 15 years. In 1993 the first MMA league was started, and since then it has slowly begun to ascend to astounding heights in popularity. Some would even argue that it has become more popular than Boxing, which has been the standard for fighting as a professional sport. While the Ultimate Fighting Championship has paved the way for this mixed martial arts insurrection, there is a new kid in town, and it’s preparing to take that revolution to a new level—National television.

            On May 31, 2008, Elite Xtreme Combat (the new kid) will bring to viewers, the first nationally televised Mixed Martial Arts fight in history. CBS has created a primetime slot, and has gone out on a limb to make the sport accessible to millions of viewers. The 8 fight event is set to begin at 7:00 P.M. EST, and will culminate with the Main Event, which is set to begin at 9:00 P.M. EST.

            Headlining this unprecedented event is one of the most polarizing figures in the fight game right now—Kimbo Slice (Kevin Ferguson). The backyard brawler turned Mixed Martial Artist is slated against British fighter James “Colossus” Thompson. While this is a ground-breaking event for the sport, few members of UFC are backing it. While the fighting phenom Kimbo Slice is generating tons of intrigue surrounding the sport, the veterans and pioneers of the sport are not only skeptical of his ability, but visibly upset with his rapid rise in popularity.

            Numerous member of UFC, and MMA fans around the globe constantly claim that Kimbo couldn’t stand a chance in UFC. In fact, the President of the UFC Dana White was recently quoted as saying “…who gives a crap about Kimbo Slice? This guy can’t fight MMA. You know what would happen if he fought in the UFC? I’d put him up against (155lb) B.J. Penn, and he would get annihilated.”

            I had the great privilege of sitting in on a media conference call with Kimbo and his trainers, as well of Thompson and his camp, and Gary Shaw let it clearly be known how he felt about this statement: “Dana White is a f%$#ing idiot, and you can quote me on that. If he wasn’t such an idiot, it would be UFC on CBS.” Shaw went on to talk about how irrelevant the statement was because Kimbo in fact has done work with the Penn camp, and that though they’d never fight, Kimbo would “knock (Penn) out with one punch.”

            As I awaited my chance to fire away with some questions, other members of the media asked a few of their own. Here are some highlights of the media event, while I waited patiently for my chance to speak: (To read all the quotes and my interview with Kimbo, follow the link below!)

http://sportsreviewmagazine.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2669&Itemid=88888952

            In recent years, races at Lowe’s Motor Speedway have been dominated by Chevrolets—particularly the one that, coincidentally (?) sports the Lowe’s paint scheme. Though last year was considered a down year for Jimmie Johnson at Lowe’s, Jeff Gordon and Casey Mears picked up the slack for Chevy, winning the Fall and Spring races respectively. Prior to last year, Johnson had a streak of 6 top-2 finishes at his sponsor’s track, including 4 consecutive wins; certainly Johnson will be one of the favorites entering this weekend.

            The man who broke the streak is a name who has stolen the headlines this week after winning the All-Star race last weekend—Kasey Kahne. Kahne struggled in the spring race last year, finishing 23^rd, but bounced back nicely in the fall finishing 8^th. It is also worthy of noting that Kahne won the spring Nationwide race at Lowe’s last season. After his performance just a few days ago, and considering his recent success at the track, Kahne’s Dodge will be among the cars you should keep an eye on. 

            You’d have to go back to spring of 2000 to find the last driver who won at Lowe’s in a Ford, and still drives a Ford—Matt Kenseth. As for the last time any Ford glistened in the shine of the spotlight and the random liquids being spewed from every direction, it was Mark Martin’s doing in 2002—Martin will be driving the Army Chevy. The best candidate to end the drought at Lowe’s for Ford is Carl Edwards in the 99. Edwards is one of just two drivers to have finished in the top-15 in each of the past four races at Lowe’s (Jimmie Johnson), and that includes three top-10s and two top-5s. Kenseth has been on the rise and will certainly be trying to make a move in the race for the chase, so these will be two Fords to keep an eye on.

             The wild cards of the race, as they have been most of the past two seasons, are the Toyotas. Everyone has heard of the spectacular season Kyle Busch is having (don’t worry I won’t proceed with a Dale Earnhardt comparison), and while he may be stealing the spotlight from other Toyota handlers, there are a few drivers who now drive Toyotas who have been successful at Lowe’s in other makes. Tony Stewart is always a contender; he has struggled lately, seemingly affected by the public rumors of his divorce with Joe Gibbs Racing at the end of his contract. Aside from those two obvious choices for guys to watch for in Toyotas, there are a few sleepers. J.J. Yeley finished 2^nd in last year’s Coca-Cola 600, and Brian Vickers finished 5^th. Neither has been too impressive early, but Vickers is within striking distance of the Chase, and he could take some confidence from last year’s showing and be a surprise this weekend.

             The rookies this year have been, well, unimpressive. That being said, Sam Hornish Jr. seemed to be the most comfortable that he has been in a stock car all season in the exhibition race. Certainly that kind of showing against the biggest names on the circuit can be a source of momentum going forward. I would keep an eye on the 77-Mobil Dodge, as this could be a breakthrough performance for Hornish—perhaps his first top-10 of the season?

                There’s the info, but pure info is not my style. What would a preview be without bold statements that may cause some to develop a small aneurysm, and others to nod in vigorous agreement. For whatever it is worth to you here are my 5 bold predictions for this week’s Coca-Cola 600!

 5-Ryan Newman will win his third straight pole at Lowe’s. Perhaps the least ‘bold’ of my predictions as Newman has won the pole at Lowe’s 8 of the last 14 races there. Dodge has been almost as strong Chevy recently, especially in ‘Clean Air’ (the funnest phrase in racing!).

 4-Sam Hornish Jr. WILL get his first top-10 of his stock car racing career. It has to come some time, and as I mentioned before he will come in with confidence and the benefit of a free practice run that almost half the field will not have had. A confident driver and racing team can be dangerous…just ask Kyle Busch and co.

 3-The race will be decided by less than a second. This is a very bold statement considering the way the race has typically gone, but because of those I foresee running around the front, conservative driving is not something that I expect to see.

 1-Ford will end the drought at Lowe’s. The winner is? Matt Kenseth. If he can avoid engine troubles he is usually one of the stronger drivers on the track. Matt and co. have to be feeling a sense of urgency, currently sitting 20^th in points despite 5 top-10s. I think that urgency combined with his skill, the laws of probability, and the alignment of Venus in the Seventh Moon of Mercury (don’t know what that means) all spell victory lane for the 17-Dewalt Ford.

 **Kahne, Johnson, Ky. Busch, Edwards, Earnhardt Jr., Stewart, Hornish Jr., Martin, and Gordon round out my top-10. (Note: last guy I picked to win—Kahne—fell into a terrible slump after scoring top-10s in each of the races to that point…Sorry Matt)

       One of the wackiest NBA seasons of all-time is quickly approaching its climax. With all of the noise and all the talk of potential upsets, the post season has pretty much been chalk. The Spurs are a three seed, but few are surprised that they were able to get past the second seeded Hornets who were actually tougher than many expected. Now we have undoubtedly the four best teams in the league facing off in each of the Conference Finals. Immediately after the Pau Gasol trade I wrote a piece on how the Lakers-Celtics rivalry was destined to renew, and how that trade made it virtually inevitable. That being said there are two teams, and two cities who adamantly oppose this notion of NBA’s Manifest Destiny. In Detroit and San Antonio the mystique of Celtic and Laker pride are a thing of the past. It is old dynasties versus modern dynasties; so what will it be? Will the most decorated franchises in the history of the NBA seize the chance to return to prominence, or will the Pistons and Spurs extend their reign as the modern day standard for the NBA? Here is how I think it will play out.

Boston Celtics vs. Detroit Pistons

These are the two best team defenses in the entire NBA. They were both among the top 3 in the league in points allowed, field goal percentage, and 3-point field goal percentage allowed during the regular season, and both have continued that success in the postseason.

In the one game the Pistons won, they were able to nullify the production of the big-3 by exploiting the Celtics’ weaker positions. Billups went for 28, Rip went for 21, and McDyess scored 13 in that game. Billups is the key for Detroit; his injury will play the biggest role in determining the outcome of this series. Billups and Stuckey are clearly superior to Rondo and House/Cassell, and this advantage needs to be attacked constantly and effectively.

Garnett versus Rasheed will be an important match up. Who ever can get more high percentage shots will win this match up. Garnett has often, especially in the post season, settled for perimeter jump shots. Both players have strong post up games, and will best serve their squads by playing down low as opposed to camping out on the perimeter. KG has been criticized for playing soft around this juncture, ‘Sheed will certainly test his toughness.

Can Ray Allen be more than a role player? That is a big question that needs to be a ‘Yes’ if the Celtics are going to win it all. Allen is in an absolute shooting funk right now, and is looking a bit more like Peja Stojakovic than himself lately. The Celts have guys like Eddie House, Sam Cassell, and James Posey to play their roles and hit the occasional big shot—if the Big 3 continues to be carried by just two, Boston will hit a wall eventually.

That being said, Allen’s shot is so fundamentally sound that it will soon begin to fall. Considering the fact that Boston has played to potential maybe thrice all playoffs, the Pistons and whatever Western Conference team should beware. It is unfortunate that Chauncey Billups suffered the injury that he did, it is the primary reason Detroit will not win the series. I say the Celts continue to be dominant on their home court, and notch their first road win of the playoffs in game 4 to go up 3-1. Then Boston goes home to close it out in 5 games.

 Lakers vs. Spurs

These two teams met 4 times during the regular season and split 2-2 with the home team winning each game. The important thing to note is that they only met once after the Lakers acquired Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies—the Lakers won that one by 21 in what was a playoff-like atmosphere in an important game for deciding playoff positioning. Even that game, however is an inaccurate measure as Manu Ginobli was watching in street clothes.

What could be taken from that late-season tilt was the balance that the Lakers had; they had 6 players in double figures and Kobe scored 20 points on just 14 shots. This will be the key to success for the Lakers. The Spurs are good at taking a particular guy out of a game. If Kobe becomes the main focus and forces the issue, advantage Spurs. If the Lakers can keep the defense spread out and off balance by including EVERYONE offensively, advantage Lakers. Then Kobe will be one on one with….who cares? Bruce Bowen nor any other mortal can check Kobe one-on-one, not on this stage.

The Spurs are a familiar foe to Pau Gasol. In 2003-04, the Spurs swept the Grizzlies out of the first round. In that series, and each of the next two years when the Grizzlies were swept two more times, Gasol did fine. He shot close to 50%, scored nearly 20 points per game, and got his rebounds—basically he did enough, but had no help. Mike Miller never showed up. If Gasol can give similar contributions in this series, as he did in their one regular season game, I think he may have a little help from a guy named Kobe.

Aside from the obvious candidates to seriously affect the outcome of this series, the true X-factor of this series will be Lamar Odom. Odom has been outstanding in the playoffs so far. He is averaging a double-double at nearly 16 and 11, and he has been active on defense averaging 1.4 blocks, and 1.1 steals per game. If the Spurs have a weakness, it is in Duncan’s fellow big men. If Odom can continue to cause a ruckus, Oberto and Thomas may be pulled away from the paint a bit creating better opportunities for the Lakers to crash boards.

Can the Lakers continue their offensive tear against the Spurs? That will highly depend on who wins the battle of the benches. Los Angeles’ bench has been everything they have needed to be thus far, but so has the Spurs’. These teams are such polar opposites that the series is hard to predict. It will come down to who imposes their style of play best. The Spurs are typically the best at doing so, but the Hornets showed that it is possible to lure them into an up-and-down tempo. Popovich is a great coach, but he has never faced a truly great coach in a 7 game series. This will be the biggest challenge he and the Spurs have ever faced. Here is how I see it—Phil Jackson-Kobe Bryant or Tim Duncan-Popovich…not a no-brainer by any means, but I say advantage Lakers. Los Angeles will win it in 6.

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